The Lawrence Welk Show closing credits

been thinking of and missing my grandmother a lot lately. watching this takes me back to hot summer evenings, sitting on the red rug in her living room, staring up at the huge tv/stereo console in front of me with her behind on the brocade couch, tapping her foot along with the music. this one's for you, m.

a history lesson

this about sums up how i've been feeling lately. in so many ways. perfect.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=scQbVUmLMow

jewels

i was enlightened today by a very dear friend. she told me that i am a person for whom memories, a history, are extremely important. she likened them each to precious gems that i hold tight to my heart and take out to polish and admire, to remember when things are tough. she talked about how i keep them close and safe, hold them dear, and how i need and am almost enraptured by them. that each one is very precious to me in it's own important way. i didn't realize this, but she's right. and while i love to do this, while each memory does indeed comfort me more than i can express and has sustained me through some difficult periods, i realize now that holding them so tightly can also be a hindrance. memories are not life. memories are not the present. no matter how much i may want them to be, they are in fact, just memories. they can be dangerous, convincing me to tread water, my head just above the surface, or just under maybe, when i should just be kicking my feet and swimming for shore.

reminders

i have my lists in various places: in the right-hand corner of my desk drawer, on yellow post-its next to my computer, folded and put into my wallet, even in my lunch bag for work. my lists remind me of the many projects i'd like to either start or finish, the ever growing lineup of books i want to read, the people i want to talk to and the places i want to see and they sometimes, in the shuffling around of things, get lost. i occasionally save some, as well, to open up and look back on, as a remembrance of where i was and of what was important to me at that particular time in my life. i have a new list now, though not my own, and one that i will never be rid of through no one's fault but my own. and despite just how much i would love to erase it from existence, i will unwillingly carry it with me. it serves it's own purpose, i suppose, as a reminder of sorts.